Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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