Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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