Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Girls should come with a carfax report
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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