dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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