remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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