I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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