i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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