his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
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He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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