I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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