he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize