If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
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You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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