Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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