She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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