if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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