Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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