I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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