I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize