I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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