I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My room smells like vodka and shame
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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