I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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