Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You ate ashes out of my bong
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize