the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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