Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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