I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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