sarcasm needs its own font
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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