Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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