M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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