I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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