her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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