So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize