I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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