chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize