You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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