Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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