Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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