Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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