my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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