If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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