"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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