the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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