Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize