I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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