she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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