Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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