Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize