When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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