he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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