i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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