why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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