but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
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